And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
