i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
