I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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