I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
