my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
