Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Text me some of your sweat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
