There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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