Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
