What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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