In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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