this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
