you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
