i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
