My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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