Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
did you just send me my own nude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
