You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
