I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
