why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
