sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
