What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
