So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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