11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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