I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
