if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
