Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
