She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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