Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
