I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
