Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
