i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
