im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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