I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
