Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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