last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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