Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
