I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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