U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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