I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
