you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
