your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
