You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
