pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Acid is not a monday night drug
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
