My pussy is not your playground.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
