I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
