I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
