I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
