Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
