Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
