apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
