you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
