glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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