you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
